Why I write
“Writing is thinking on paper. Anyone who thinks clearly can write clearly,” ...William Zinsser.
I love to write. Writing has a way of making me dig deep. I have days where I struggle to write, but most of the time, writing helps me identify what’s going on in my head, heart, and mind, and align them or remind myself who is in charge or at least that's what I'll like to believe.
To be honest, I am not sure I know why I write. I do not fully understand this attraction to writing but in thinking about it more over the last few weeks, I have come up with some reasons why I write.
“I write to taste life twice, in the moment and retrospect.” ...Anais Nin
I write to relive life - I go back to the things I wrote four years ago, and I am often shocked at how different those times were and how far I've come since then. And most importantly, it inspires me to write again. I think "How nice it'll be in ten years to read about all the chaos going on in my late 20's?"
I recently had a conversation with my younger sister, and although I had already written this title in my drafts, she inspired me to expand on it, and here I am, pen on paper.
My siblings don’t know this, but they are one of the reasons why I write. I have seen the world a little bit more than they have, and I hope to show them even a glimpse of what is out there and a reminder that if their sister can dream and make it happen, they too can. I live for them with the hopes that they, too, can live wholly.
People meet me and talk about how put together and confident I look, but little do they know that behind all that seemingly confident human, there is a cave of anxiousness and fear. I am scared of many things, and my fears have a way of messing with my mind, body, and emotions.
So, the moment I think I might be overthinking a situation, I know it’s time to write. Writing helps me understand whether my partner was furious at me or if I was just too hungry to notice that I was the problem.
Writing calms me, and I see things more clearly. The art of writing refreshes my mind, allowing me to express myself on paper and face the world as a better human.
What writing does for me is bring together all parts, identify what they want, and find ways to align them again. But that's not the only reason I write. I also write because I have a lot to say, and if I don’t say it, I am terrified of my head blowing up.
So, I may not publish all my thoughts publicly for fear of being judged, but I will write whenever I get the chance, because I am scared that if I don't write, I might lose my mind.
I write because I want to tell my story. I have to, need to tell my story because if I don’t, who will? We’ve lost a lot of our history as black people because we couldn't tell our own story. Whenever I listen to Europeans talk about their history with such confidence, I envy them not because I’d like to know the exact dates of things. But, it’ll be nice to go back and read a book in a library about how certain things came to be - not necessarily the life-changing moments, even the simplest ones - a thought recorded in time.
“If you want to change the world, pick up your pen and write”... Martin Luther
I write because I want to preserve my history and experiences in the sands of time (clearly not on a beach, but on the web). I want to do better than my forefathers, to record our culture, experiences, life lived, mistakes made, and achievements.
I want to paint pictures of my culture and history so that no one can rewrite it for me. I hope that when I write, I can show the world a bit of everything that makes me Cynthia Chidera Obiagu, daughter of Comrade and Mrs. Peter Odika of Okpo village, in Aguata Local Government Area, Anambra State, Nigeria.
“It’s not your place until you write about it,” Willian zinsser wrote in his book “On Writing Well”.
I hope to write about the places I’ve been and send you postcards, sharing the experiences I've lived, the people I've met, and my thoughts, both filtered and unfiltered.
In George Orwell’s essay "Why I Write," the author lists reasons why people write, and some of the reasons I relate to are sheer egotism and historical impulse. I do not like to be talked about, nor do I like to be the center of attention, but I'd certainly want to be remembered by the people who mattered most to me, and I’d like to record things for posterity's sake.
I am a good daydreamer, and my imagination, when left to itself, can run wild, but I haven't explored writing fiction because I fear I might not be good at it. However, non-fiction is where I want to thrive because I have a lot happening to me and for me and I need you as witnesses.
Thomas M. Cirignano said, “Each of us is a book waiting to be written, and that book, if written, results in a person explained”.
I write because other people's writing or art has healed a scar in me, and I hope that by writing, I too can heal someone else's scar or at least ease the pain in some way.
When I'm not writing, I feel lost, as if there's somewhere I should be or something I should be doing, and the demons all of a sudden feel stronger.
Most recently, writing has held me together as I walk the path of grief. These days, I write to my dad - to share with him the jokes and gossip with mum and the girls, with hopes that he doesn't miss anything.
I am still seeking out more reasons why I write and whether this is even my vocation. Until I do, I plan to write for the rest of my life because a Cynthia who doesn't write is not a Cynthia you want to meet.
Till I write you again,
Doie!
Obiagu ✌🏾
